[For a moment, his eyes widen--but then his expression softens, and he moves over to reach out for her. He catches himself at the last minute, recognizing how injured she is, and draws his hand back after a moment of hesitation.]
...It's not your fault. Those places make us hurt each other. [They're designed for it, it seems.] ...Is it okay if I ask what happened?
[Oh... briefly, he thinks of how his own team hadn't known that Bass's group was in the city with them--but at least they'd been together the whole time. He doesn't know what he'd do if he found himself in an illusory world all alone.]
Some sort of snake... dragon... thing, though I was still myself from the waist up. But I don't think they recognized me. By then, I was already covered in all of that blood from before...
[...]
Once I changed, I... I couldn't think of anything. There was nothing there. I just - if someone was in front of me, and alive, I wanted to kill them. That was it. It didn't matter who or what they were.
[Is it better or worse than what happens to the refracted? It's hard to say. But either way, he can imagine what it must feel like for her now, and he doesn't envy that struggle.]
[Carefully, Yasusada tries again to reach out for her--he isn't the best at being gentle, so it's just a brief touch to her hand before he pulls back.]
[Ah... well. He looks like he's thinking about it, but he doesn't get a chance to respond before he has to turn his head to cough. It results in a few bright orange petals, though it's difficult to say what flower they come from.
He shakes his head slightly, clearing it.]
If it were real, then I don't think I could forgive you. [There's a reason he hadn't said those words, after all--not "I forgive you" or even "it's okay".] But he's alive, and he's safe now. And I know you wouldn't ever hurt him like that if you were yourself.
[It's exactly the same thing that makes the deaths in this place tragedies, painful and complicated. To know someone, maybe even someone you care about, is no longer in their right mind--to understand that, while at the same time acknowledging that it doesn't undo the blood they've spilled.
If Kashuu hadn't come back safely, this would be a very different conversation. But as it stands, he doubts Kashuu holds her actions against her either.
And besides:]
An illusion of him killed me, the first time I was gone.
[Which isn't the best comparison, since Yasusada would forgive Kashuu just about anything, especially these days. But still, it feels important to say.]
jiuqing looks concerned when he coughs, but - he's handling it, and the things he's going to say are important, anyway. it doesn't stop her from being worried, but she won't interrupt him, at least.
...if kashuu hadn't come back, she wouldn't have forgiven herself, either. so she nods her agreement with that.]
...the way this place uses the people we love against us is sick and twisted.
[He'd thought, way back in the beginning, that maybe this place wasn't really designed maliciously. That maybe the residents were right in their insistence. But it's impossible to view the worlds they're taken to as anything but cruel, especially when Yasusada knows for a fact that they've drawn from his and Kashuu's memories too.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[she looks down, her expression haunted.]
I hurt Kashuu.
no subject
...It's not your fault. Those places make us hurt each other. [They're designed for it, it seems.] ...Is it okay if I ask what happened?
no subject
...I don't know where to start. I didn't - I didn't see Kashuu and Vin until it was almost over, and by then I'd... I'd already become a monster.
no subject
A monster?
no subject
Some sort of snake... dragon... thing, though I was still myself from the waist up. But I don't think they recognized me. By then, I was already covered in all of that blood from before...
[...]
Once I changed, I... I couldn't think of anything. There was nothing there. I just - if someone was in front of me, and alive, I wanted to kill them. That was it. It didn't matter who or what they were.
no subject
Were you angry?
[Or was it more of an instinctive urge to kill, like that of a hungry beast? He doesn't know how to clarify in a way that wouldn't hurt her.]
no subject
I wasn't anything. They were there, so they needed to die. That's all it was.
no subject
[Is it better or worse than what happens to the refracted? It's hard to say. But either way, he can imagine what it must feel like for her now, and he doesn't envy that struggle.]
no subject
[she shakes her head.]
I want them to be okay again.
no subject
You're back now. We're here.
no subject
[oh. that touch to her hand makes her eyes fill with tears, but not because of pain. rather - ]
...when I realized what I'd done to Kashuu, I thought you would hate me.
no subject
He shakes his head slightly, clearing it.]
If it were real, then I don't think I could forgive you. [There's a reason he hadn't said those words, after all--not "I forgive you" or even "it's okay".] But he's alive, and he's safe now. And I know you wouldn't ever hurt him like that if you were yourself.
[It's exactly the same thing that makes the deaths in this place tragedies, painful and complicated. To know someone, maybe even someone you care about, is no longer in their right mind--to understand that, while at the same time acknowledging that it doesn't undo the blood they've spilled.
If Kashuu hadn't come back safely, this would be a very different conversation. But as it stands, he doubts Kashuu holds her actions against her either.
And besides:]
An illusion of him killed me, the first time I was gone.
[Which isn't the best comparison, since Yasusada would forgive Kashuu just about anything, especially these days. But still, it feels important to say.]
no subject
jiuqing looks concerned when he coughs, but - he's handling it, and the things he's going to say are important, anyway. it doesn't stop her from being worried, but she won't interrupt him, at least.
...if kashuu hadn't come back, she wouldn't have forgiven herself, either. so she nods her agreement with that.]
...the way this place uses the people we love against us is sick and twisted.
no subject
[He'd thought, way back in the beginning, that maybe this place wasn't really designed maliciously. That maybe the residents were right in their insistence. But it's impossible to view the worlds they're taken to as anything but cruel, especially when Yasusada knows for a fact that they've drawn from his and Kashuu's memories too.]
Can I ask--Kiyomitsu, did he... defeat you?
no subject
[...]
There were... dragons, which were attacking civilians. He led me to them, and I attacked the dragons. I lost track of what happened after that.
no subject
[He's assuming that wherever she went drew from someone's memories, too, though whether it's the residents or someone amongst them, he doesn't know.]
no subject
no subject
...It must've been from their memories, then. The place you went.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Aymeric-san... the journey he went on was built from my memories, and Kiyomitsu's.
[So he figures that the two of them will be relatively understanding.]
no subject
I really wish this place would stay out of our heads.
no subject
Me too.
no subject
...it will stop, one way or another. It has to.