[He sees it, all of those unsaid things. He sees them and he wants to reach out to pull them to the surface, but doesn't, at the same time.
Good thing he's got a nice distraction here, in the shape of a partner who has been badly, badly shaken. When Yasusada drops his head against his shoulder, he reaches up again, placing his palm against his shoulders and then ruffling his stupid, poofy ponytail.]
Yeah, everyone else is okay. A lot of you guys came back looking real bad, but enough people were around and on guard that we got everyone here pretty fast. Nothing really happened to the rest of us while you guys were gone, either. The prism's been acting up, but that's it.
[His poofy ponytail... I think about how he has hair missing but it's not even noticeable. Very funny.]
...That's good. [He doesn't know what he'd do if he'd come back, realized he was alive, learned that the Kashuu he'd seen was an illusion--only to then learn that Kashuu and Buzen had gotten hurt for real in the meantime. He'd mcfreakin' lose it!!!]
Ah--[He shifts, then, not pulling away, but pulling something out of his clothing. It's a golden earring; he holds it out for Kashuu to see.]--do you... know whose this is?
Kashuu will probably notice eventually, but for now he's too busy trying to soothe a pompom. There's just a little hum, a tiny affirming noise at the "that's good", because so many people got hurt anyway and "okay" really only covers the bare minimum here.
He'll shift when Yasusada does, though, looking at the earring with a furrowed brow.]
Huh? ...Did you find it back there? Wherever you were.
[Okies I got permission for uno description congrats Kashuu you are the secret keeper... anyway it's a gold earring that's a cross of two arrows, and probably isn't from claire's. We just don't know.]
Maybe... I think so? There was one, but... it's hard to remember now. [...] I mean, my memory is... okay. Just... a lot happened after.
[He didn't exactly analyze it before they got swept off to watch everyone they love DIE
He's quiet for a minute, thoughtful.]
Do you think it's like... the hot springs...? [Panties.......2!]
Well, he does not recognize this earring, at least, and i aki am not going to sift through everyone's icons to see if someone has a two arrows crossing earring just in case, so he just shakes his head.]
... [Hm. Yasusada says "my memory is okay" but Kashuu looks at him (as best as he can from whatever weird position they're pretzeled into) anyway, frowning.] --Yeah, I'd guess so. It might be? You could take it to Himawari or something and see if they recognize it... Maybe it's all one person's stuff?
[WHO'S GOING AROUND LOSING THEIR SCARF AND EARRING AND PANTIES.]
You can worry about that later, though. Rest for now. [Leaning back a little, just enough so he can lift Yasusada's little pompom head and look at his face again. How gnarly are these cuts and scratches...]
[Streakers in chroma... TERRIBLE. He nods, though, tucking the earring away again. He doesn't want to get banned for 500 years, so he will not ask about clothing and accessories on the public network...
He lets Kashuu look at him--and though he's been treated, they're definitely not great. The scratches look as though someone dragged their nails down his face, and he's littered with the cuts from sword shrapnel (though they fortunately missed his eyes, which is only because I just thought of that now, damn).]
I'm okay. [Not completely, obviously, but--well. He probably could be in much worse shape, all things considered.
After all, There are some enemies that you just don't fight.]
[It'd be funny if he did... 500 year ban for an earring...
Can't believe you missed a chance to blind this sweet pomeranian though HAHA!! Suffer. Kashuu will look over them carefully, though, with that expression he wears sometimes that's somewhat hard to read. One of his hands rests against the side of Yasusada's face, but he's trying not to touch any of the cuts or scratches.]
...Was that - from the illusion?
[The illusion of himself? He can't imagine Yasusada letting anyone close enough in a dangerous situation to scratch him across the face like this, unless it was someone he didn't have his blade turned against.]
[yams should be banned preemptively honestly. ALSO STOP MY BLINDNESS... next time.
Yasusada stays obediently still, though, simply watching Kashuu's face. It's a look he knows he won't be able to decipher, but he tries anyway, unable to help himself.
He probably should've expected the question--but Kashuu can be so unpredictable, sometimes, with what he dodges and what he faces head on. And caught up as he'd been in his desperation to know that Kashuu was safe, that he hadn't been left behind again, he hadn't put much thought into how much Kashuu would care about these nonfatal wounds.
He nods, just once. Not enough to dislodge Kashuu's hand from his face.]
[pokes you in your little demon eyes instead :\ binch
There's a little flicker in his expression, there and gone in a blink. This time, he can't help himself - one of his hands raises, a finger lightly, so lightly, touching the raised surface of one of the scratches and following its path down.
It could only ever be you. A sentiment that warms him to his core, just as much as it makes him nauseous with anxiety, if only for this moment. These are non-lethal injuries, but what else could this place do to Yasusada through him, if it so chose?]
...Geez. [Out on a sigh. He leans forward, resting his forehead against Yasusada's and closing his eyes. Softly:]
I should have been there.
[The real him, and not some haunting mirage. He doesn't say "I'm sorry", but the apology is clear, nonetheless.]
If there was any doubt lingering, it'll be erased by the fact that the scratch line matches Kashuu's nail exactly. They're long, and relatively straight--no indication that Yasusada had struggled against it in any way.
Rather than physical wounds, though, it's the damage to his heart, as always, that's affected him the most. So, predictably:]
I'm glad you weren't. [This wasn't like a regular mission, where they know the dangers they face even before they set foot on the battlefield. This was designed to inflict harm, there's no other way around it.] I don't want to see you hurt.
[How many times does he have to watch Kashuu die? How many times can he stand to fail to protect the people he cares about the most? Is watching over him all that I can do?
Still, it's not like he doesn't understand. He'd be doing the same thing, if their positions were reversed, and he knows it. Kashuu doesn't have to apologize, but he will.]
[He breathes in, breathes back out, knowing that he would be saying the exact same thing in Yasusada's position. That he was glad Yasusada wasn't there. That it was a painful thing. No one else needs to know this.
They really are reflections in any way that matters, aren't they?]
...When the others started showing up, I was really freaking out, you know. When I tried to text you back, it didn't go through.
[He doesn't say it accusingly, though - more like he's letting Yasusada know that he knew about his absence pretty early and had reason to worry more and more over the course of the day. Whoda thunk, being left behind really sucks!
With a hand raised to press against the side of his face:]
But you're back, and that's what matters.
[...The hand drops in the next second, though, to touch the front of Yasusada's neck, and he pulls away a little.]
[Even if it's not an accusation, it makes his mouth twist in misery to hear nonetheless. No matter the tension that resulted from Okita's decision, at least he'd known when Kashuu was leaving. Kashuu hadn't even gotten that much. Yasusada had been there one moment, and gone the next, completely unexpectedly.
What is he going to do if something like this happens to Kashuu?
What if, once again, Kashuu doesn't come back?
It's a terrifying thought, and Kashuu's proximity is the only thing keeping him calm.
This, too? he asks, and--well, it's not like Yasusada's going to lie. He nods again.]
...You wouldn't hurt me for no reason. [Even an illusion. Kashuu had looked confused, terrified, but not... not like he had no idea what he was doing.] You must've thought it was the only way.
[Although, that doesn't explain... what came after. That, he has no answer for.]
He hates hearing all of this - any of this - and all of the things Yasusada doesn't say, but so clearly implies in just these words alone. His jaw tightens for a second, but his expression remains caught in that in-between place it sometimes falls.
For a second, he's quiet as his fingers rest against Yasusada's neck. What would happen to them here, without their true bodies? What happens to their human shape when it breaks with nothing tethered to it? What will happen to them? He sure as hell doesn't want to find out.]
...Don't talk about it like that.
[Ah, there it is - him drawing that dividing line. He can take responsibility for not being there, and shoulder the blame for Yasusada's injuries, but he doesn't like hearing Yasusada speak of this illusion of himself in such a way.]
You-- [Should have protected yourself? He knows better. He knows how Yasusada is. Instead, after a sigh:] ...I wouldn't hurt you for no reason. But I can't think of any that would come up here and now, so.
[So if anything like this happens again, just - assume it's not him, maybe? He can only think of a few reasons why he'd turn his blade against Yasusada, and Yasusada has already proven he's stronger than any of those possibilities. The idea that he might accept such a horrific injury from him like that... It doesn't sit well at all, but he doesn't know how to address it elegantly.]
[Maybe he should know better. Maybe he shouldn't have looked past the eerie glow in the fake Kashuu's eyes, or the way he'd wielded color so effortlessly. Maybe he should have tried harder to defend himself, and focused on the certainty that Kashuu wouldn't ever hurt him at all.
(Wouldn't he?
If Yasusada strayed?
...But Yasusada wouldn't stray. He didn't, when it mattered. He wouldn't.)
But even if his lungs hadn't been forced full of liquid, cutting off his breath--even if he'd had a vessel of his own, something to fight back with, even if--
--he knows, too well, that he'd always have focused on the fear in the fake Kashuu's eyes. Yasusada doesn't think he could ever raise his blade against that, even if, ha, even if... the fate of history rested on it.
But he doesn't want to upset Kashuu, and he doesn't want to argue. He gazes at him a little longer, looking like he wants to say something else--but eventually he just nods, and tucks his face into Kashuu's neck again.
He keeps his eyes open, though. If he closes them, he knows, he'll just see Kashuu forcing his blade into his own body. Or, worse, his shattered shards flying directly at him, past the edges of his darkened vision, whispers of they're leaving, they're gone, you're alone trailing after them like the tails of shooting stars.
...No, he doesn't want to close his eyes.]
...Okay. I won't.
[For once in his life, maybe he won't talk about it anymore.]
[Yasusada isn't good at hiding things - or maybe that's just what he thinks after knowing him for so long.
He can tell that there's something else there. Something else Yasusada wants to say, but chooses not to - and a part of him thinks, I should ask. But the selfish core he has thinks, I don't want to know, and he doesn't want to hear any more painful things from Yasusada's mouth when he's already in such a state because of Kashuu. Because of their ties.
So he lets it go, and lets Yasusada hide his face away, and simply reaches to wrap his arms around him and hold him carefully and close.]
Good.
[For now, he'll have to - do... something. Anything at all to ensure that there isn't a repeat of this. To ensure that Yasusada stays close, always within arm's reach.
Whenever they finally settle enough to separate again, Kashuu will clean up the shards on the floor and pocket them, unless stopped. No need for Yasusada to see them anymore.]
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no subject
Good thing he's got a nice distraction here, in the shape of a partner who has been badly, badly shaken. When Yasusada drops his head against his shoulder, he reaches up again, placing his palm against his shoulders and then ruffling his stupid, poofy ponytail.]
Yeah, everyone else is okay. A lot of you guys came back looking real bad, but enough people were around and on guard that we got everyone here pretty fast. Nothing really happened to the rest of us while you guys were gone, either. The prism's been acting up, but that's it.
[Just some bees in the closet, no big deal.]
no subject
...That's good. [He doesn't know what he'd do if he'd come back, realized he was alive, learned that the Kashuu he'd seen was an illusion--only to then learn that Kashuu and Buzen had gotten hurt for real in the meantime. He'd mcfreakin' lose it!!!]
Ah--[He shifts, then, not pulling away, but pulling something out of his clothing. It's a golden earring; he holds it out for Kashuu to see.]--do you... know whose this is?
no subject
Kashuu will probably notice eventually, but for now he's too busy trying to soothe a pompom. There's just a little hum, a tiny affirming noise at the "that's good", because so many people got hurt anyway and "okay" really only covers the bare minimum here.
He'll shift when Yasusada does, though, looking at the earring with a furrowed brow.]
Huh? ...Did you find it back there? Wherever you were.
no subject
Maybe... I think so? There was one, but... it's hard to remember now. [...] I mean, my memory is... okay. Just... a lot happened after.
[He didn't exactly analyze it before they got swept off to watch everyone they love DIE
He's quiet for a minute, thoughtful.]
Do you think it's like... the hot springs...? [Panties.......2!]
no subject
Well, he does not recognize this earring, at least, and i aki am not going to sift through everyone's icons to see if someone has a two arrows crossing earring just in case, so he just shakes his head.]
... [Hm. Yasusada says "my memory is okay" but Kashuu looks at him (as best as he can from whatever weird position they're pretzeled into) anyway, frowning.] --Yeah, I'd guess so. It might be? You could take it to Himawari or something and see if they recognize it... Maybe it's all one person's stuff?
[WHO'S GOING AROUND LOSING THEIR SCARF AND EARRING AND PANTIES.]
You can worry about that later, though. Rest for now. [Leaning back a little, just enough so he can lift Yasusada's little pompom head and look at his face again. How gnarly are these cuts and scratches...]
no subject
He lets Kashuu look at him--and though he's been treated, they're definitely not great. The scratches look as though someone dragged their nails down his face, and he's littered with the cuts from sword shrapnel (though they fortunately missed his eyes, which is only because I just thought of that now, damn).]
I'm okay. [Not completely, obviously, but--well. He probably could be in much worse shape, all things considered.
After all, There are some enemies that you just don't fight.]
no subject
Can't believe you missed a chance to blind this sweet pomeranian though HAHA!! Suffer. Kashuu will look over them carefully, though, with that expression he wears sometimes that's somewhat hard to read. One of his hands rests against the side of Yasusada's face, but he's trying not to touch any of the cuts or scratches.]
...Was that - from the illusion?
[The illusion of himself? He can't imagine Yasusada letting anyone close enough in a dangerous situation to scratch him across the face like this, unless it was someone he didn't have his blade turned against.]
no subject
Yasusada stays obediently still, though, simply watching Kashuu's face. It's a look he knows he won't be able to decipher, but he tries anyway, unable to help himself.
He probably should've expected the question--but Kashuu can be so unpredictable, sometimes, with what he dodges and what he faces head on. And caught up as he'd been in his desperation to know that Kashuu was safe, that he hadn't been left behind again, he hadn't put much thought into how much Kashuu would care about these nonfatal wounds.
He nods, just once. Not enough to dislodge Kashuu's hand from his face.]
It could only ever be you.
no subject
There's a little flicker in his expression, there and gone in a blink. This time, he can't help himself - one of his hands raises, a finger lightly, so lightly, touching the raised surface of one of the scratches and following its path down.
It could only ever be you. A sentiment that warms him to his core, just as much as it makes him nauseous with anxiety, if only for this moment. These are non-lethal injuries, but what else could this place do to Yasusada through him, if it so chose?]
...Geez. [Out on a sigh. He leans forward, resting his forehead against Yasusada's and closing his eyes. Softly:]
I should have been there.
[The real him, and not some haunting mirage. He doesn't say "I'm sorry", but the apology is clear, nonetheless.]
no subject
If there was any doubt lingering, it'll be erased by the fact that the scratch line matches Kashuu's nail exactly. They're long, and relatively straight--no indication that Yasusada had struggled against it in any way.
Rather than physical wounds, though, it's the damage to his heart, as always, that's affected him the most. So, predictably:]
I'm glad you weren't. [This wasn't like a regular mission, where they know the dangers they face even before they set foot on the battlefield. This was designed to inflict harm, there's no other way around it.] I don't want to see you hurt.
[How many times does he have to watch Kashuu die? How many times can he stand to fail to protect the people he cares about the most? Is watching over him all that I can do?
Still, it's not like he doesn't understand. He'd be doing the same thing, if their positions were reversed, and he knows it. Kashuu doesn't have to apologize, but he will.]
But I'm sorry for leaving you behind.
no subject
They really are reflections in any way that matters, aren't they?]
...When the others started showing up, I was really freaking out, you know. When I tried to text you back, it didn't go through.
[He doesn't say it accusingly, though - more like he's letting Yasusada know that he knew about his absence pretty early and had reason to worry more and more over the course of the day. Whoda thunk, being left behind really sucks!
With a hand raised to press against the side of his face:]
But you're back, and that's what matters.
[...The hand drops in the next second, though, to touch the front of Yasusada's neck, and he pulls away a little.]
...This, too?
no subject
What is he going to do if something like this happens to Kashuu?
What if, once again, Kashuu doesn't come back?
It's a terrifying thought, and Kashuu's proximity is the only thing keeping him calm.
This, too? he asks, and--well, it's not like Yasusada's going to lie. He nods again.]
...You wouldn't hurt me for no reason. [Even an illusion. Kashuu had looked confused, terrified, but not... not like he had no idea what he was doing.] You must've thought it was the only way.
[Although, that doesn't explain... what came after. That, he has no answer for.]
no subject
He hates hearing all of this - any of this - and all of the things Yasusada doesn't say, but so clearly implies in just these words alone. His jaw tightens for a second, but his expression remains caught in that in-between place it sometimes falls.
For a second, he's quiet as his fingers rest against Yasusada's neck. What would happen to them here, without their true bodies? What happens to their human shape when it breaks with nothing tethered to it? What will happen to them? He sure as hell doesn't want to find out.]
...Don't talk about it like that.
[Ah, there it is - him drawing that dividing line. He can take responsibility for not being there, and shoulder the blame for Yasusada's injuries, but he doesn't like hearing Yasusada speak of this illusion of himself in such a way.]
You-- [Should have protected yourself? He knows better. He knows how Yasusada is. Instead, after a sigh:] ...I wouldn't hurt you for no reason. But I can't think of any that would come up here and now, so.
[So if anything like this happens again, just - assume it's not him, maybe? He can only think of a few reasons why he'd turn his blade against Yasusada, and Yasusada has already proven he's stronger than any of those possibilities. The idea that he might accept such a horrific injury from him like that... It doesn't sit well at all, but he doesn't know how to address it elegantly.]
no subject
(Wouldn't he?
If Yasusada strayed?
...But Yasusada wouldn't stray. He didn't, when it mattered. He wouldn't.)
But even if his lungs hadn't been forced full of liquid, cutting off his breath--even if he'd had a vessel of his own, something to fight back with, even if--
--he knows, too well, that he'd always have focused on the fear in the fake Kashuu's eyes. Yasusada doesn't think he could ever raise his blade against that, even if, ha, even if... the fate of history rested on it.
But he doesn't want to upset Kashuu, and he doesn't want to argue. He gazes at him a little longer, looking like he wants to say something else--but eventually he just nods, and tucks his face into Kashuu's neck again.
He keeps his eyes open, though. If he closes them, he knows, he'll just see Kashuu forcing his blade into his own body. Or, worse, his shattered shards flying directly at him, past the edges of his darkened vision, whispers of they're leaving, they're gone, you're alone trailing after them like the tails of shooting stars.
...No, he doesn't want to close his eyes.]
...Okay. I won't.
[For once in his life, maybe he won't talk about it anymore.]
no subject
He can tell that there's something else there. Something else Yasusada wants to say, but chooses not to - and a part of him thinks, I should ask. But the selfish core he has thinks, I don't want to know, and he doesn't want to hear any more painful things from Yasusada's mouth when he's already in such a state because of Kashuu. Because of their ties.
So he lets it go, and lets Yasusada hide his face away, and simply reaches to wrap his arms around him and hold him carefully and close.]
Good.
[For now, he'll have to - do... something. Anything at all to ensure that there isn't a repeat of this. To ensure that Yasusada stays close, always within arm's reach.
Whenever they finally settle enough to separate again, Kashuu will clean up the shards on the floor and pocket them, unless stopped. No need for Yasusada to see them anymore.]