[Maybe he should know better. Maybe he shouldn't have looked past the eerie glow in the fake Kashuu's eyes, or the way he'd wielded color so effortlessly. Maybe he should have tried harder to defend himself, and focused on the certainty that Kashuu wouldn't ever hurt him at all.
(Wouldn't he?
If Yasusada strayed?
...But Yasusada wouldn't stray. He didn't, when it mattered. He wouldn't.)
But even if his lungs hadn't been forced full of liquid, cutting off his breath--even if he'd had a vessel of his own, something to fight back with, even if--
--he knows, too well, that he'd always have focused on the fear in the fake Kashuu's eyes. Yasusada doesn't think he could ever raise his blade against that, even if, ha, even if... the fate of history rested on it.
But he doesn't want to upset Kashuu, and he doesn't want to argue. He gazes at him a little longer, looking like he wants to say something else--but eventually he just nods, and tucks his face into Kashuu's neck again.
He keeps his eyes open, though. If he closes them, he knows, he'll just see Kashuu forcing his blade into his own body. Or, worse, his shattered shards flying directly at him, past the edges of his darkened vision, whispers of they're leaving, they're gone, you're alone trailing after them like the tails of shooting stars.
...No, he doesn't want to close his eyes.]
...Okay. I won't.
[For once in his life, maybe he won't talk about it anymore.]
[Yasusada isn't good at hiding things - or maybe that's just what he thinks after knowing him for so long.
He can tell that there's something else there. Something else Yasusada wants to say, but chooses not to - and a part of him thinks, I should ask. But the selfish core he has thinks, I don't want to know, and he doesn't want to hear any more painful things from Yasusada's mouth when he's already in such a state because of Kashuu. Because of their ties.
So he lets it go, and lets Yasusada hide his face away, and simply reaches to wrap his arms around him and hold him carefully and close.]
Good.
[For now, he'll have to - do... something. Anything at all to ensure that there isn't a repeat of this. To ensure that Yasusada stays close, always within arm's reach.
Whenever they finally settle enough to separate again, Kashuu will clean up the shards on the floor and pocket them, unless stopped. No need for Yasusada to see them anymore.]
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(Wouldn't he?
If Yasusada strayed?
...But Yasusada wouldn't stray. He didn't, when it mattered. He wouldn't.)
But even if his lungs hadn't been forced full of liquid, cutting off his breath--even if he'd had a vessel of his own, something to fight back with, even if--
--he knows, too well, that he'd always have focused on the fear in the fake Kashuu's eyes. Yasusada doesn't think he could ever raise his blade against that, even if, ha, even if... the fate of history rested on it.
But he doesn't want to upset Kashuu, and he doesn't want to argue. He gazes at him a little longer, looking like he wants to say something else--but eventually he just nods, and tucks his face into Kashuu's neck again.
He keeps his eyes open, though. If he closes them, he knows, he'll just see Kashuu forcing his blade into his own body. Or, worse, his shattered shards flying directly at him, past the edges of his darkened vision, whispers of they're leaving, they're gone, you're alone trailing after them like the tails of shooting stars.
...No, he doesn't want to close his eyes.]
...Okay. I won't.
[For once in his life, maybe he won't talk about it anymore.]
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He can tell that there's something else there. Something else Yasusada wants to say, but chooses not to - and a part of him thinks, I should ask. But the selfish core he has thinks, I don't want to know, and he doesn't want to hear any more painful things from Yasusada's mouth when he's already in such a state because of Kashuu. Because of their ties.
So he lets it go, and lets Yasusada hide his face away, and simply reaches to wrap his arms around him and hold him carefully and close.]
Good.
[For now, he'll have to - do... something. Anything at all to ensure that there isn't a repeat of this. To ensure that Yasusada stays close, always within arm's reach.
Whenever they finally settle enough to separate again, Kashuu will clean up the shards on the floor and pocket them, unless stopped. No need for Yasusada to see them anymore.]