aitou | catchall; buzen

[I mean the swords are probably leaving together???? but if not yams will come find him v quickly waves hand]

Buzen? Are you alright?

[For real, now that everything is over.]

[they probably are - he's a little antsy and it's clear from the way that he shifts from foot to foot like he wants to take off running]

.... have you ever hated someone, Yasu-san?

Like - they did something to offend you, and then you wanted to kill them? Like it was personal.

[and not just a byproduct of being a sword]

[Normally, Yasusada would offer to spar--but he doesn't want to run back and grab that odd knife they first received, because it feels more important to stick with Buzen for right now.

He shakes his head.]

No, I haven't. [He's quiet, thoughtful.] I don't think any of us have--in the Shinsengumi, I mean. I don't know too well, about the others.

[He doesn't know Sengo like Tonbokiri does, after all; and for all that Kashuu went through, Yasusada's confident he never hated Okita, either. The Shinsengumi swords are passionate and full of feeling, but if they'd harbored any hate or rage, it would've been directed at the circumstances of their era more than any individual.]

[he nods at that]

... I think Matsu's felt contempt. I think that he feels a lot, honestly - but that's different from making the choice on our own that someone should die without it relating to a mission.

[they're not saints. they're weapons. buzen knows this, backwards and forwards, but also he doesn't think that they have the ego to decide that any specific human should be dead. that's not how it works.]

So feeling that - getting the sense in myself that I should kill Vax-san and Garou-san because they wronged me.... it felt wrong.

[Yasusada nods, turning that over in his head. Has he felt contempt? Not personally, no--though he knows what it is. It is, he thinks, probably very similar to what some of the Shinsengumi felt about their enemies.

Hatred, he thinks, seems like something intensely personal. An incredibly human feeling.]

I don't like it. [Quietly.] Even if this place would've protected them from you. Changing our bodies is one thing, but changing our hearts...

[THEY JUST BARELY GOT THESE? THEY'RE STILL LEARNING HOW TO USE THEM NORMALLY.]

[buzen: i know matsu felt contempt he totally fucking punched our captain even if he got over it later

but buzen nods at that.]

They said a lot that no one's gotten hurt you - not physically. But I'm thinking... Mete-chan would feel really horrible if she ever wanted to hurt someone like that. I think there are some scars that don't show up on the body, but still stick with you.

But they really seemed to believe we had to finish instead of leaving it halfway.

[imagine if yams knew literally anything about paraiso or kokobo. wow.

He doesn't--but Buzen's words resonate anyway, and he presses his lips together, looking out into the distance.]

I think you're right. [That some scars aren't physical--that some wounds strike the heart, and can't be healed with a bandage or a forge.] I don't think they mean us harm--but if things like that can happen, then they should've warned us.

[ . . . . he hums thoughtfully.]

I don't know if they knew. Or... if they would've been able to tell us, even if they knew. I'm not sure... but I think there's a chance that the Prism is affecting them, too.

I don't think anyone who planned the game expected any of that to happen.

[He looks a little surprised, hearing that.]

You think they didn't know?

Kumo-san said that the passageways were unexpected. Atsu-san too. Even the guns that we wanted to reach for weren't in the original plan.

Shale-san also said that the party appeared on their calendars because of the Prism, not their intention. So I think they might've just been going along with things.

[ . . . ]

Well, supposing they're telling the truth.

[He nods slowly, taking that in.]

I don't want to think they're lying. [Partially because he likes them, yes--but also partially because, if the residents are lying, then this whole situation they've wound up in is a lot more sinister than he wants to consider.] But if they don't know anything, then we'll need to ask them to work with us to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Right.

[he nods along. buzen doesn't want to think that they're lying either, because that'll make things so much more complicated and harder to sift out information of fact from fiction. he's really not smart enough for that,]

... but that's where it gets difficult. It sounds like we can't stop what the Prism wants to do. Like having to finish the game today, even though a lot of us were starting to feel it was dangerous.

[HE IS ALSO NOT SMART ENOUGH FOR THIS but he is trying.]

Then... maybe we can try and have everyone focus their emotions on going home? Or something.

[He is trying so hard]

... the problem is that I'm not sure why that hasn't worked already. Sure, we're here and it's getting better, but enough of us have things to do that you'd think a doorway would've opened up by now. Why do some things work and not others?

[he frowns, and once again the creaky cogs in his brain are trying to turn]

Let's ask those four - and see. Maybe they have an answer.

It could be that we aren't focused enough as a team... [He's thinking about Hachisuka and Nagasone] but I think you're right.

[That it's probably just not that easy.]

Okay. I'll try too.

Do you know anyone who likes it here more than their home...?

[more as a curiosity point than anything - buzen's sure that wouldn't have been the case earlier in the week]

Mm! We'll do our best. Just one foot in front of the other, right?

catchall; buzen

w0, saturday

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