Well. It's not like it's a part of himself that he refuses to let others see, even if the way he wears his background so openly is more of a self-defense mechanism than actual pride. He does love those people, after all, in all their suffering and in all the worst of humanity that he'd seen through them. He just doesn't like to think about it, even though he seems to be doing a lot of that here.
With a sigh, he reaches out - taking just a short minute to reorient himself - and ruffles Yasusada's hair.]
[He looks at Kashuu through his bangs as Kashuu approaches, his shoulders only relaxing when Kashuu reaches out to him. Every week is touch week when you're gumis.]
...Sorry.
[For making Kashuu show him something so private against his will, even if it wasn't necessarily a secret.
He can't help being himself, though. So after a minute, carefully--]
Kiyomitsu? [...] Would you ever want to go back there?
[Every week is touch week when you're gumis, it's true.]
S'fine. You didn't do it on purpose.
[The shove, yeah, but not with the intent of bonking him into the bubble so his private affairs would be on display. GOD. In any case, it's Yasusada, so he's expecting this, at least.]
...Nah. [An honest answer, despite his love for these people.] No one who gets out ever wants to go back. ...But I wouldn't mind seeing 'em again.
[If he's surprised by the honesty, he doesn't show it--he just nods, mulling over Kashuu's words. Or remembering them, maybe, tucking them away to hold onto.]
[His smith! Kashuu doesn't talk about him basically ever, which is kind of hilarious since he has no real qualms with the guy. He respects the way he handled himself, if anything, even if he was so fucking weird. These sorts of things, he doesn't mind talking about so much.]
He just knew how skilled he was, is all. Obviously a guy like that's not gonna go around letting idiots talk down his work.
Anyway!! Well. As far as memories go, it could be worse. Could be better, but could be much worse. There's something about that end that he'd just barely missed that sits strangely with him. It's the same kind of uncanny, unsettling feeling that death portraits leave behind after looking at them. Dead, but too alive.
He reaches out once more, lightly tugging some of the hair framing Yasusada's face.]
...Geez. You've done some changing while my back was turned, huh?
[It definitely could be much, much worse--when it ends, and the bubble dissipates, there's a familiar look of nostalgia on Yasusada's face, but at least it's only tinged with sadness. These are old wounds, things he's revisited so often that they've grown numb from all his prodding.
Kashuu's words make him smile, if only just.]
Not that much, really.
[Just enough to realize how much farther he still has to go.]
[He bats Kashuu's hand away on reflex--but more gently than usual, and his fingers curl, loosely holding on. The way Kashuu says this and then the memloss CYOA comes back a few days later,,
He nods, though.]
...It was really hard on Izuminokami. [Harder than their mission was on the two of them, he thinks. At least they didn't have to take Okita's life with their own hands. And for all that they tease him, it isn't because they don't care about him.] Mutsunokami... we couldn't have done it without him.
[HELP STOP I HATE THIS THEIR STUPID KDRAMA AMNESIA
He's not surprised to hear that, though. Kanesada's always been the sort of sword that feels things deeply and intensely - much like the rest of them. But he's younger still than even Kashuu himself, and it shows in these small moments, where it's so very clear just how much Hijikata shaped him from the core all the way out.]
That guy... [Mutsu (derogatory). Except Kashuu gets along with Mutsu well enough, and he's not surprised to hear this, either.] ...He's pretty reliable in the end, huh? Maybe we'll be able to catch a break from all their yelling now.
We all are. [Which Kashuu already knows, but--it's a gentle reminder, maybe, that Yasusada hasn't forgotten either. He smiles a little, though.] Maybe after that, I'll do some solo missions like you.
[He will not, most likely. But it's a little tease, a way of telling Kashuu he won't push too hard, if Kashuu decides he doesn't want to join them.
imagine if they all show up in srs in kiwame HELP]
[WEAOFESFES KASHUU JUST LIKE "yeah i decided to go off and do it on my own without u suckers" ABOUT IT
For now though, he just hums. It's not something he's spending too much time considering, even if it makes something stir in his chest. A feeling, or a fear, of being left behind. Just a little whisper of it. But, just being a PUNK ABOUT IT ALL INSTEAD:]
--There's no way you'd be able to handle a crowd on your own.
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Well. It's not like it's a part of himself that he refuses to let others see, even if the way he wears his background so openly is more of a self-defense mechanism than actual pride. He does love those people, after all, in all their suffering and in all the worst of humanity that he'd seen through them. He just doesn't like to think about it, even though he seems to be doing a lot of that here.
With a sigh, he reaches out - taking just a short minute to reorient himself - and ruffles Yasusada's hair.]
...Don't make that face.
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...Sorry.
[For making Kashuu show him something so private against his will, even if it wasn't necessarily a secret.
He can't help being himself, though. So after a minute, carefully--]
Kiyomitsu? [...] Would you ever want to go back there?
no subject
S'fine. You didn't do it on purpose.
[The shove, yeah, but not with the intent of bonking him into the bubble so his private affairs would be on display. GOD. In any case, it's Yasusada, so he's expecting this, at least.]
...Nah. [An honest answer, despite his love for these people.] No one who gets out ever wants to go back. ...But I wouldn't mind seeing 'em again.
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Your smith... he was really loyal.
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He just knew how skilled he was, is all. Obviously a guy like that's not gonna go around letting idiots talk down his work.
[This self-boast...]
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Yasusada smiles a little, though; it's nice, hearing Kashuu talk about his past like this. It's such a small thing, but... nice, nonetheless.
But the bubble STILL HAS NOT FREED THEM, so. It's his turn... and Kashuu can have this because I'm too lazy to cut out another clip]
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Anyway!! Well. As far as memories go, it could be worse. Could be better, but could be much worse. There's something about that end that he'd just barely missed that sits strangely with him. It's the same kind of uncanny, unsettling feeling that death portraits leave behind after looking at them. Dead, but too alive.
He reaches out once more, lightly tugging some of the hair framing Yasusada's face.]
...Geez. You've done some changing while my back was turned, huh?
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Kashuu's words make him smile, if only just.]
Not that much, really.
[Just enough to realize how much farther he still has to go.]
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His attention shifts back to Yasusada soon enough, and he reaches out, knocking his knuckles against his forehead.]
See? Who even are you, huh?
[But he's teasing, in the soft way he sometimes does when things are too quiet for his usual edge to shine.]
...You really saw it through, though.
[Yasusada's seen a lot more of their final era than he has, now.]
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He nods, though.]
...It was really hard on Izuminokami. [Harder than their mission was on the two of them, he thinks. At least they didn't have to take Okita's life with their own hands. And for all that they tease him, it isn't because they don't care about him.] Mutsunokami... we couldn't have done it without him.
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He's not surprised to hear that, though. Kanesada's always been the sort of sword that feels things deeply and intensely - much like the rest of them. But he's younger still than even Kashuu himself, and it shows in these small moments, where it's so very clear just how much Hijikata shaped him from the core all the way out.]
That guy... [Mutsu (derogatory). Except Kashuu gets along with Mutsu well enough, and he's not surprised to hear this, either.] ...He's pretty reliable in the end, huh? Maybe we'll be able to catch a break from all their yelling now.
[Mutsu and Kanesan are both so fckin loud help.]
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I don't know if I'd bet on that.
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[ELBOWING HIM. But it's gentler than usual, because the vibes are still soft even if they're less heavy.]
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We might get a little quiet, though. I know Izuminokami wanted to leave on his journey, soon.
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...Guess so, huh? [Not that he's going to miss them all or anything!!] That guy... He's really gonna go for it, huh?
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We all are. [Which Kashuu already knows, but--it's a gentle reminder, maybe, that Yasusada hasn't forgotten either. He smiles a little, though.] Maybe after that, I'll do some solo missions like you.
[He will not, most likely. But it's a little tease, a way of telling Kashuu he won't push too hard, if Kashuu decides he doesn't want to join them.
imagine if they all show up in srs in kiwame HELP]
no subject
For now though, he just hums. It's not something he's spending too much time considering, even if it makes something stir in his chest. A feeling, or a fear, of being left behind. Just a little whisper of it. But, just being a PUNK ABOUT IT ALL INSTEAD:]
--There's no way you'd be able to handle a crowd on your own.